We understand that Fry's is hiring. In an attempt to breed goodwill toward our corporate account, we have taken the time to redo their employment application to help improve the quality of their applicants.

• Name:
• Address:
• City:
• Phone: +011

Education
a) some grammar school
b) 8th grade
c) Ummm... "self taught"
d) Watch a lot of TV

Position (General)
a) Customer service associate
b) surly sales
c) "Today's Floor Supervisor is [blank]"
d) the guy who gets RAM out of that case that is locked with
kryptonite bolts (just in case Superman comes in).

For Cashiering Positions

• English is your:
  a) Second
  b) Third
  c) Fourth Language
  
  
• You are at a register and the customer's total is $6.31. The customer hands you a $10.00 bill. You should:
  a) Have the customer wait while you call the Federal Reserve to make sure the bill is good.
  b) Shout , "Check approval please!"
  c) Mumble "Customer service..." and stare vacantly into space.
  d) All of the above.
  
  
• A customer picks up a can of soda but decides he doesn't want it whle at the register. You should:
  a) Call the police to double check the resale number.
  b) Call Pepsi to check the expiration date on the soda.
  c) Refuse to return it because he doesn't have a receipt.
  d) All of the above.
  

Computer or Software Sales

• A customer approaches you on the floor and asks how much memory you need to run Windows 2000. You should:
  a) Pretend you didn't hear them and walk briskly into the next aisle.
  b) Say, "Can't you see I'm helping another customer?!", and run off to the backroom to smoke a cigarette.
  c) Continue to stare blankly into space.
  d) Blurt out the first number that comes into your head.
  
  
• You pick up the ringing phone, expecting to hear your girlfriend and/or mother. A customer asks if you have Photoshop 5.5 for Windows in stock. You should:
  a) Blurt "Certainly!" in a loud voice, while checking your teeth in the reflection from your suitcoat and trying to remember if you hidthe last copy well enough.
  b) Snarl "Not my department! into the receiver and slam down the phone.
  c) Play a game with the other clerks - see who can get a caller to hold the longest
  by offering to "Check another store."
  d) Explain how you're really a software developer, and that your Visual Basic version 'Fotoshop' is really far superior and only slightly more expensive.

Audio/Visual Sales

• A kindly older gentleman asks to purchase the 13" TV that was advertised in the morning paper for $99, a gift for his granddaughter's caollege dorm room. You should:
  a) Tell him that, darn it, you've just sold the last one. However, the top quality 'Suny" brand TV is only $299.
  b) When he points out the stack of sale TVs next to the display, tell him they're empty boxes. If he picks one up to see, run.
  c) Scoff at his selection. Explain that all the kids nowadays would be humiliated by anything less than a 50" Mibsubishi widescreen with Stero Surround sound, only $3200.
  d) Invite him out to your car, where there's an 'open box' buy.
  
  
• You're working the AV room today. Customers come in to see the Home Theater equipment you. You should:
  a) Diddle nonchalantly with the equipment, and tell people you have the same $1400 carver amp at home. Only your Mom knows you buy only Realistic from Radio Shack.
  b) Insist repeatedly that the Technics speakers are really the same as the Infinity Crecendos, just without the expensive nameplate.
  c) Fantasize idly of your dream job at Circuit City. Someday, someday.
  d) Put Top Gun into the DVD player and turn the volume up so loud that you're instantly sterile.

Employment experience - Answer Yes or No to the following.

• Have you been fired by Radio Shack or any subsidiary of the Tandy Corporation in the last three years?
• Have you been involved in retailing in the USSR, North Korea, Thailand, or any of the former Soviet Satelites?
• Can you program your VCR?
• Can you use an ATM?
• Can you use a remote control channel changer?
• Can you flush a toilet without assistance?
  
  
• What is your desired Sallary range?
  a) $5.50 to $5.55 an hour
  b) $5.75 to $5.85 an hour
  c) $6.00 to $6.15 an hour
  d) $6.50 an hour (please include a copy of your Masters Degree)
  
  
• Previous Employment
  a) Circuit City
  b) Lozano's Car Wash (started as wiper, promoted to waxer)
  c) Domino's delivery driver
  d) You want fries with that?
  e) Just turned 16 - first job!
  
  
• For how long?
  a) A paycheck
  b) a couple of weeks
  c) Until the INS caught up with me
  d) They think I'm in the stockroom right now!

Thank you for applying to Fry's Electronics. We're certain you'll be robbing us blind in no time!